Theseus Scamander, the Ultimate Interrogator
by Natecchi
Summary: Prompt fill on kink meme: When MACUSA was able to get Theseus Scamander to interrogate Grindelwald, what they were expecting… was not this. Is that a sock puppet? Everyone soon realizes that Newt is actually the normal one in the family.
1. Chapter 1

"Excuse me-" Newt mumbled, his voice turning into a high-pitched noise "Whom did you get to interrogate Grindelwald?" he asked, incredulous of what he just heard Tina say.

That couldn't be happening. That _won't_ happen.

"Your brother, Theseus Scamander." Graves replied, his brows furrowing in confusion. "Is that a problem, Newt?"

Newt's eyes went wide "The very fact is, Mr. Graves! Please," he turned to him and Graves almost dropped the cup of coffee he held when Newt grabbed his hand "lead the way."

"To where?" Tina asked, noticing the worried look in Newt's eyes.

"Interrogation room, obviously!"

Graves tried to ignore the stares of fellow aurors as their trio practically ran through the department's corridors with Tina leading, Newt hot on her heels and him trying to keep up with them. He was still recovering, okay? And he wasn't particularly fond of seeing Grindelwald's mug either. But he had to, apparently.

Tina stopped in front of the door and slowly pressed her ear to it. Her frown told both Newt and Graves that she wasn't able to hear a thing from what was happening in the room. Newt, too stressed and eager, couldn't stay calm and opened the door by himself. Two pair of eyes watched him from inside. Grindelwald smirked, amused and wolf-whistled when his eyes met Graves'.

"Good to see you again, Percival."

"Shut the fuck up, Grindelwald." Graves growled in response and they entered the room.

On the other side of table sat a young man, older than Newt though, with ginger hair neatly slicked back, with blue, piercing eyes and a scar across his left cheek. Everyone recognized in this man Theseus Scamander, if not for being a war hero, then for being Newt's older brother for sure. They had more similarities than any of them would admit.

Alright, maybe they shared similarities only in their appearances.

Theseus smiled widely at them, waving animatedly "Hi, peeps. So, you're invited to the party as well?" His hand went searching for his pocket and Newt made an alarming sound, earning confused looks from everyone except Theseus.

"Theseus Scamander, _don't you dare_ -"

Theseus did it anyway. He pulled out a suspicious piece of material and shoved his hand in it. By the time everyone understood that the thing Theseus was holding was actually a sock puppet, Newt rubbed his face with his hands and groaned.

"Not again." Graves heard Newt mutter under his breath and nudged him. Newt briefly looked both at him and Tina before deadpanning "He's gonna use that. For interrogation."

Tina and Graves looked at him like he grew another head, Newt couldn't blame them, really, but when Theseus cleared his throat, everyone watched him instead.

The husky, masculine voice of Theseus Scamander turned into a softer, high-pitched one as he pointed the hand with the sock puppet at Grindelwald's face and moved his fingers inside the toy, mimicking the movement of a mouth speaking.

"Gellert Grindelwald," the puppet said, its head slightly tilting "tell me why you need the obscurus."

Grindelwald raised an eyebrow and smirked. Like he'd tell about his plans to a guy playing with a sock puppet.

"For study?" Grindelwald said mockingly and pointed his chin at Newt "Look, your brother here had one for the same reasons and yet, he's not chained."

Theseus kept looking at him, his face incredibly serious as the puppet almost yelled "Liar! He's lying, 'Seus." The puppet turned its head to Theseus and they nodded at each other.

"Newt." Graves whispered. "Newt, what the fuck is going on?" Graves asked. Newt's face which was blank until this moment gained some color and he looked away in embarrassment. Graves, then glanced at Tina, and saw his subordinate's shoulders shaking violently as she barely held back the laughter.

"Let's make him talk, then." Theseus replied back to his puppet and Grindelwald watched the man in confusion. There must be a hidden pretext to this ridiculous situation, because there's no way in hell MACUSA will hold such an interrogation. Did they decide to prank him? Him, the darkest wizard of their time?

"Torture?" the sock puppet's corner of mouth twitched upward, and it totally seemed like a smirk. The puppet was freaking smirking. Unbelievable.

"How about tickling with feathers?" Theseus whispered conspiratorially to his puppet, but everyone heard him perfectly.

When Grindelwald's smirk faded, Tina wasn't able to hold it in anymore and she lost her shit. She laughed out loud, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Graves watched both Theseus and Grindelwald, blinking dumbly. What exactly was happening there? Someone, explain-

Theseus turned to the trio behind his back and gave them a pointed look as the puppet mumbled to Grindelwald "We'll be back. And better you have the answers prepared."

Tina got out of that damned room first, clutching at her sides. They could hear her laughter even after she turned around the corner. Poor soul, will she be okay? Will she be able to stop laughing?

Newt and Graves followed, or better said Newt dragged him out, because Graves really started to question his sanity for a moment there. What exactly happened in that room anyway?

Graves' hold on Newt's hand tightened "Will he torture me with that sock puppet as well..." he cleared his throat and looked away when Newt focused his eyes on him "when, you know, I'll ask for your hand?"

Newt's heart jumped wildly at that and his face turned red.

"I. Heard. You." Theseus' muffled voice came from the corner, and Newt didn't need to look to know that the goddamned sock puppet was peeking at them.

He was so done. Merlin, give him strength.

Newt grabbed the hand of his shocked lover and stomped away angrily, dragging Graves after him and yanking the puppet from Theseus' hand on his way.

"Newt! Give it back! The thing you're holding is important for the whole wizardkind!"

Newt stopped in his tracks, let go of Graves hand, turned around and made eye-contact with Theseus. Then he smirked.

Opening his case a bit, he shoved the puppet in there and closed it before Theseus could act.

"I think Elly will like it. It's gonna keep her warm."

Graves' look turned incredulous. "How that is gonna keep warm a nundu?" he murmured under his breath.

* * *

Theseus was heartbroken until he found a spare sock and made a new puppet. No one's gonna stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

Theseus made a new sock puppet, yes, but suddenly an idea struck him like a lightning. His puppet needed mates. The more, the better.

That was how half of MACUSA's DMLE workers were left without socks on their legs without them even noticing. Theseus was a powerful wizard, don't underestimate him.

As soon as his army was ready to fight the darkest wizard of their time, Theseus packed up all of his subordinates into an extended pocket and called up for another interrogation with Grindelwald. He did it subtly, so only the guards personally knew. He didn't want want anyone else to interrupt such a serious business as interrogating- scratch that - torturing Grindelwald to get answers out of him. But he didn't know that once Newt was aware of his presence in MACUSA headquarters, he will be closely observed by his younger brother and his lover, director of Magical Security, Percival Graves.

Newt did it only for safety purposes, he told Graves, but Graves didn't really get whose safety he talked about: their and MACUSA's, Theseus' or Grindelwald's? Graves didn't really care for the last one, for _reasons_.

Theseus made his way down the hall and slipped into another interrogation room than before, but not without glancing both ways. Of course, Newt and Graves were following him, closely but not enough for him to observe. They entered the room next to the one used for interrogations and gladly, it was one of those new ones with a mirror thing. They could both see and hear what was happening during the interrogation and not be spotted by anyone. Great.

The older Scamander sat on one of the chairs and sighed deeply, folding his hands in front of him on the table.

After five long minutes, the door to the room creaked open revealing a familiar mop of white hair and disgustingly smug smirk. Graves scrunched his nose and Newt rubbed a soothing hand over his shoulder. That made Graves' tension go away and he focused his attention back to the room on the opposite side of glass.

The guards pushed Grindelwald into the other chair, checking on his shackles for security purposes. With a short nod towards Theseus, they were out of the room, settling at the door.

Grindelwald's smug expression was wiped away again when he saw Theseus reaching for his pocket. It was replaced by annoyance and it made Graves smirk. Newt, however, covered his eyes with a hand, sighing and shaking his head in defeat. Theseus, for once, didn't smile as he pulled out his new sock puppet.

"So," the older Scamander grunted and placed the sock puppet on his hand "did you get your answers prepared, Grindelwald?"

Grindelwald just snorted in response, which was _alarming,_ because Newt saw Theseus this serious during an interrogation with the sock puppet only once and the outcome of that interrogation nearly costed Theseus his job as an Auror.

"Mr. Graves." Newt said cautiously and Graves raised a questioning eyebrow at him "I want you to be ready to jump into action."

"Why is that?" Graves asked, confused.

"I've got a feeling that this won't end well."

Graves wanted to ask Newt why he thought so, but judging by the tension in Newt's hand which grabbed at his wand, he opted for trusting his lover's words without further prying. He withdrew his own wand and waited with Newt for the things to happen.

"Why did you need the obscurus? What are your dark plans, Grindelwald?" Theseus said, narrowing his eyes at the dark wizard in front of him, sock puppet dangerously close to Grindelwald's face. The only reaction he got out of the man was a light quirk of those thin lips.

"Why do you ask, Scamander? Want to join me?"

Newt didn't need to see his brother's face to know that he was boiling with anger. However, Theseus was good enough to hide his true emotions under that creepily wide smile of his.

"Oh, no, Mr. Grindelwald." Theseus replied and stood up, going to Grindelwald's side and leaning to whisper just above his ear "I'm afraid our preferences differ."

Before they actually could perceive, the room was full of sock puppets, twirling and dancing around Grindelwald. Graves sputtered and Newt, well, Newt covered his eyes again.

"Mr. Graves," Newt told him "I suggest you to not look at those. Or everything you'll see for the next month, will take a sock puppet's shape."

Graves didn't get what he meant, but did as Newt said though.

"They're charmed." Newt explained and instead of focusing on the puppets, both of them looked intensely at Theseus and Grindelwald.

Theseus smiled wickedly while shoving the puppet in Grindelwald's face. "Why. You. Need. The. Obscurus." Each word was emphasized by a shove of the sock puppet in Grindelwald's nose.

The dark wizard, on the other hand, had the funniest face Graves could imagine him having. It was something bordering with disbelief at the way he's treated, scandalizing even, and anger. He couldn't perform magic, because the manacles on his wrists were charmed to not allow the prisoner to use magic, wandless or otherwise. But if he could, Graves was sure that the entire MACUSA building would be wiped from this world by now, along with all of the wizards and witches in there.

Instead of replying to Theseus' question, Grindelwald went red as he snarled at the older Scamander

"GET THIS SMELLY SOCK OUT OF MY FACE, YOU DICK!"

Theseus' eyebrow shot up at that. He brought carefully the sock puppet to his nose and sniffled. The sock was definitely smelling awful, so he distanced the biological weapon from himself, but not from Grindelwald. He wondered whose this one was, and he had no idea that a guy named Abernathy sneezed in the distance.

He kept shoving the smelly sock in Grindelwald's nose until that couldn't breathe properly through it, so naturally, he opened his mouth to take a gulp of air. It was a very wrong move, if Newt judged correctly. He was doing _that_ again. Merlin's beard!

Before Newt and Graves could react properly, Theseus already was shoving the puppet down Grindelwald's throat. Newt jumped out of the room in an instant and Graves followed him at the same speed, his brain not catching up with the situation at hand.

When they entered the interrogation room, Gridnelwald's eyes rolled in his head and he lost his consciousness. Theseus stopped only when Newt grabbed his hand and yanked him away from his victim.

"Why did you stop me, Newt?" Theseus mumbled, pouting. Unbelievable.

"Yeah, Newt, why did you stop him?" Graves repeated with a pout of his own. Fucking unbelievable.

Newt sighed, long and desperate. Why did he have to deal with these two idiots again? Yeah, right. One of them was his older brother, and the other one was the man he loved. Great, simply wonderful.

"Why?" Newt threw his hands up "You have the nerve to ask? He could choke on that sock puppet and die here on us."

Both Theseus and Graves raised an eyebrow each and said monotonously in unison "And?"

"Who will fight Dumbledore in '45?" Newt said as if scolding them "I don't want to be a bleached pineapple while being a dark wizard, thank you very much. And I doubt any of you want to take up on his role."

Theseus and Graves looked at Newt, at the unconscious figure of Grindelwald and then, at each other. Their noses scrunched in disgust.

"That's what I'm saying." Newt added, when seeing that his point was understood.

"And what are we going to do with him now?" Theseus asked, nudging Grindelwald's foot with his own.

Graves rubbed his chin thoughtfully "Obliviation I suppose?"

Newt's eyes sparkled and he leaned to peck him on the cheek. "Obliviation, it is!"

* * *

This was how Gellert Grindelwald ended up with a sore throat and with a whole day wiped off his memory. And the guards looked suspiciously like sock puppets.


End file.
